| Ponderance |
[Apr. 2nd, 2007|10:17 pm] |
Twisted, in my disorted ways.
Wishing, wanting it to be that day.
When it all just seems to go away.
Feels so right, can't let it go.
It won't end, its out of control.
Theres got to be something else to fill that hole.
Fufill thatsoul. |
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| Its been awhile,but..... |
[Apr. 1st, 2007|05:53 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Settlin by Sugarland | ] |
Pain, justified by what?
Thought of as the norm.
When can we calm the storm?
Anger,hurt,deception
Isn't it time to make a correction?
Everything seems like an infection
I don't want to be the one to make the deduction
Maybe it's because I'll always feel the repurcusions
How can I stop the corruption without an erruption |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 2nd, 2006|09:01 pm] |
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I' not like everyone else and maybe that is why people don't get me. |
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| O-H-I-O |
[Aug. 14th, 2006|08:34 pm] |
I have been here about a month on and off. There certainly has been a mx of emotions about the entire situation. I love my job and what its future holds. I am defiently on a city year high after our training in Boston. I have been so postive lately, but it just seems to go down hill when I end up sitting alone. I use to consider myslef independent, but I don't know maybe I need others to make me smile. Is that normal?
All day I was searching for a 2nd job; $215 a week just isn't going to cut it. I am either overqualified for jobs, they aren't hiring anymore or they just don't want to hire me I guess. The hunt will contine tommorow, when I get out of work. I am going to look for places downtown,because that may be easier so that I won't have to rush back to Lakewood if I have to work nite shifts. If I have to work downtown on my days off from city year; I'll just have to take the bus.
This entry is so scattered,but I guess it's just because I am writing down the thoughts as they come to me. Change is hard-really hard. I find myself often questioning my support system and if it even exsists sometimes. Alot of my friends don'r return my phone calls, but when they eventually pick after I have tried to call them several times they say how much they miss me. Well if they missed me so much don't u think they would at least call me once a week? I know that they are busy,but a simple phone call isn't really asking too much.
I guess i'll let my thoughts end for now, because I am actually going to hang out with somone.
to be continued.....
<3 me |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 24th, 2006|06:49 pm] |
Hello Friends-
Bit of an update:
*I have a roomate in Ohio and an almost home.
*My birthday is 2 days.
*I got an A- on my internship.
*3.22 for the last semester and an overall of 2.98.
*I have been hanging out with old friends and ignoring ones that piss me off.
*I learned that the U.S. Navy employs some very hot men. I guess its a prerequiste.
*I've been going out dancing alot lately. I <3 dancing.
*Visiting the playground at nite along with some vodka is excellent.
*Some politicians are really nice people.
*Persistence pays off.
*I am going to a city where noone knows my name and I'm okay with that.
*I work about 15 or less hours a week and it's okay, because I'll be working 50 or more soon!
*Clothes are overrated.
That's it for now.
<3 katie |
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| Thoughts... |
[Jun. 6th, 2006|11:58 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Let it be-The Beatles | ] |
Thoughts....
*I would like my internship grade to be posted. That would be A-mazing.
*I would like a hug.
*I would like the people at Dunkin Donuts to not hang up on me. Little do they know I don't want to be calling asking for a job for a month at all and then they hang up on me. hmmp.
*I would like to be in Ohio.
*I would like a roomate and a house in Ohio,preferably with internet acsses.
*I would like to see my boyfriend.
*I would like my boyfriend to be in a good mood when I talk to him.
*I would like some new friends or just to have my current ones be nicer to me.
*I would like my parents to just buy the laptop and leave me alone about it.
*I would like to not have to go to work and annoy people for a living today.
That is a current list that i may update again today or tommorow. This is how I would like to organize my life today.So, let it be.
-Katie |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 24th, 2006|10:40 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | I love my chick-busta rhymes | ] |
Maybe I'm so sad, so lonely and so bored, because I am doing anything meaningful. I am not brightening the day of 3,4, or 5 year olds. I am not sitting in a 6 hr senate meeting trying to figure out how to better the campus. Im not doing some sort of community service that I think will save the world.Im not getting drunk evey thursday and wonder what the nite will endure.im not surrounded my incredible people. Im not getting my daily hugs from certain individuals. It wouldnt hurt so bad; if my ri friends would evolve again. I guess they just fell off the face of the planet for a bit. They all call me at once or not at all. I could really use them right now.
xo,
kate |
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| Months have passed |
[May. 23rd, 2006|10:32 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  distressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | ready to run-dixie chicks | ] |
Months have passed and there is so much going on. Yet, there is only one thing that is really apparant to me right now. I miss him. I miss his goofy grin and his quirky comments. I miss his annoying alarm on his watch. I miss his voice. I miss his hugs. I miss him. It's true. Or a "true story". Sigh. Such is life. I hope that once I start working I won't think as much. I smile when I think of the happy times, but then in an instant I cry, because I know they are so far away. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Is that qoute really true? I hope so.
thirty something days till I turn 22. woohoo.hahaha- what do u do on a 22nd birthday? Get drunker than when u turned 21? Eh, it's a possiblity. Guess it depends whos around to engage in those activities.
This weekend is memorial day weekend. Ill probably watch the parade and thats about it. the next weekend is my "suprise" graduation party. the following weekend im going to nh to plant a flower in michelle's pernieall garden. 16 days after that is my day of birth. then i will be awaiting when i get to see him again-sometime in july.it should be fantastic-i hope i can wait that long.
college graduate. how does it feel? i dont know about the same i guess. maybe when i realize im not going back to plymouth next year it will be more of a reality. i realize it to an extend, becuase ive cried alot, but i dont feel any different cuz i have a degree or anything. although i told a headstart lady i had a degree and i was like wow im pretty fucking cool. she asked me how old i was. she thought i was liek 12 or something.lol.btw i <3 how i leave messages for a job and people dont call me back. its lovely really.
ohio will be my home soon.i know that ill miss plymouth people, but im not going back there so it doesnt really matter where i am, i will always miss them.im excited but a little worried too.
hmmm maybe ill unpack now.
<3 kate
p.s. he uses the word distressed and it really is a word cuz its in livejournal's moods! LOL |
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| Motivation |
[Mar. 8th, 2006|07:52 pm] |
Hello-
Lately, I am experiencing a severe lack of motivation. I know I have a ton of stuff to do, but I just don't feel like doing it. I miss deadlines and it doesn't seem to fase me. I get tired and weak, because I don't eat right. I don't feel like cooking. i don't know its kinda freaky. I dont really think im depressed, because i am not crying or realy being sad about anything.
kt |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 12th, 2006|01:38 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | disappointed | ] |
Each day I have thought alittle bit more about my writing skills. there just not that great. y does everything require a paper? I can interview much better; i could bullshit my way through that. papers just dont work out so good for me. im trying really hard but im getting really sad because i just dont know what to write anymore. i stare @ it for awhile look at it again and then still dont know what to write.i may go to the writing center today. i hope they can help.
ahh so is life.
<3 me |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 5th, 2006|11:01 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | numb | ] |
| [ | music |
| | tiny dancer-tim mcgraw verison | ] |
Sometimes I think back to freshman year of college and how the world was a very different place then.Time to hang out was abdunant and everyone wanted to be your friend. You would love your dorm room door open just to see if that cute guy from down the hall would stop by. It was so fresh and so innocent.
Now you would think its a totally different place. People have changed, many things have happened ina four year period and i am just left wondering where i go from here. i think i have learned a bit that i can't really rely on other people, because in one way shape or form they always let me down. some do it more than others, but everyone does it in the end. maybe im too demanding or maybe it's because i don't like change.
so now i ponder whether i tell a few particular people how much they use to mean to me and why it just isnt that way anymore. i sort of went that root with someone once and they just didnt get it. maybe when im not around it will hit them or maybe they just dont like me anymrore.
we'll see what the rest of the day brings.
<3 kt |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 4th, 2006|04:22 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Lonely- Akon | ] |
If you say your going to do something- Do it. Don't lie to people about it and certaintly don't blow that person off. If it was only one person once in awhile then fine, but when it happens over and over; its kind of discouraging. Welp, I don't feel like writing to much anymore.
kt |
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| on the other side |
[Jan. 29th, 2006|10:25 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | disappointed | ] |
I've never wanted to be the person that really hurts someone else but now i've done it. it's usually me that gets hurt and i can never figure out why it happened the way it did. i tried my best to not even have it happen. i really did; i tried to care about everyone else in the situtaion but i guess i did a bad job. I hate that lately all i want is attention. it's like i crave it, just to make me smile. i don't know why i can't smile on my own. it's like a sick obssesion and it's getting me into trouble in more ways than one. i'm back at school now, which is always a whole different ball game. so, hopefully it'll calm down.
to the person i hurt: I'm sorry. If you don't forgive me I understand.
-KT |
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| Sometimes |
[Jan. 19th, 2006|11:02 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | disappointed | ] |
Sometimes you think u know people, but you really have no idea. I just don't get it. Why do people lie to me?What did I do to deserve all this? Nothing and I just keep taking it.I'm too nice to everyone and I get walked all over constantly. I guess there can be a mean side of me; I'm not sure that its ever really mean just a bit sarcastic.
i don't want to be home anymore, but i certainly don't want to be at school. i have too many responsbilties there. i want to find a place where life can be great and i can be happy alot. i guess it's all in what you make of it. dont get me wrong, im still negative, but not hardly as negative as i was before.i just keep thinking \o life is going to get better; i dont know when but soon hopefully and so ill just keep chugging along intill it gets to that spot. sometimes i wonder how long i will be able to have that mantality for.
-me |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 15th, 2006|10:09 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | 100 years- five 4 fighting | ] |
Have you ever felt so insecure; yet not at the same time? It's such a strange feeling. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 1st, 2006|10:08 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pissed off | ] |
you know what i hate? caddy bullshit-that's what i hate. if u dont like me fine, but at least be respectful. i try to be nice to everyone but if u fuck with me god help you. sometimes i feel like im going back in time to junior high or high school, except i dont remember getting angry to the point of vioelnce. i use to just cry, now i kind of just want to punch something instead.
i guess all of this caddy shit doesnt stop intill i get married or something like that. who the fuck knows or maybe when i get out of this town or maybe when i get a new set of friends. people wonder why im not very nice anymore.well sheez thats why. contiousallyi get fucked over. mayeb someday ill understnad why, but currently i dont. im actually pacing myself to breathe right now, cuz thats how mad i get about this stupid shit.
i better just go to sleep before i get more pissed off.
-me |
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| New Years eve |
[Dec. 31st, 2005|05:24 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | questioning | ] |
| [ | music |
| | my humps-black eyed peas | ] |
Ahh...the classic day called new years eve. Hmm...welp,i don't really see the point. all of the couples get together and get wasted. It is another holiday that all the single people are just searching for someone to spend it with. Maybe if I had a bunch of cool single friends I would have a different outlook. I think that the person u kiss at midnight is suppose to be around most of the next year. I dont think that will be happening in my case. i mean nicks a great guy,but i dont know theres just something about him i dont like. i cant quite place my finger on it. i am finally being picky. i use to just settle for any guy that would give me attention; no more.
i really hope that i get into grad school, because i can reinvent myself there and that will be great. hopefully i can make new friends, too. its weird, i dont like change yet now i am yurning for it. wooo, mixed emotions.
in case, anyone was wondering, i don,t have a new years resolution. i don,t beleive in them. you should be ?'ing your life and wanting to change things all year round; you shouldn,t need one day to help you realize that and begin to change things.sheez.
welp maybe i should try to doll myself up more or something for this "holiday". or not.
-katie |
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| It's how I do yall PIMP |
[Dec. 24th, 2005|07:03 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | All I want for christmas is you-MARIAH | ] |
| Your Pimp Name Is... | 
G-string Dogg |
LOL.CLASSIC.
-KATIE |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 21st, 2005|09:11 pm] |
Sometimes I get into this funk and it jsut not helathy. I have time to think and I don't like what i begin to think about. I guess thats why i work so much and keep myself so busy, because then I won't have time to think about anything. There are things I could be doing: Grad school essays, sped writeup, cleaning my room or writing christmas cards. SO, I am doing none of the above; because I just don't feel like it. The past 3 days all i have done is work. I haven't gone out 3 nites in a row; i guess its starting to get to me. The two nites I did go out were kinda wild and crazy. I am suppose to go out 2marra nite on a date with this guy that I met at my work christmas party. I talked to him on the phone the other nite and we were suppose to hang out last nite; then he ended up havign to pull a double till 1:30a m. then we decided we would hang out 2marra nite. i sent hima text message 2nite to wish him fun at his christmas party and i said i looked foward to hanging out with him 2marra and there hasnt been a response.
i think that i look for guys t fill my needs because my friends don't. thats a sad reality folks.i thought i wanted to write more but i guess i dont. im either off to bed, reading or watching the grinch stole christmas.
<3 me |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 14th, 2005|01:29 am] |
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Sometimes I feel so empty inside. I feel like I give to others so much, but I don't recieve. I don't want materailsitc things; I jsut want love, compassion,friendship and understanding. i don't know that I have one true friend. I have friends for all different reasons and some of them fill certain qualtiies, but none of them fill all the qualities together. I mean I think i am nice person; sometimes a little blunt, but overall very nice. I guess maybe other people don't see that. I dont know. |
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